


Not the Only One

by LovingGwendolaj



Category: Game of Thrones RPF
Genre: Emmys, F/M, No cheating, Romance, Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2020-10-27 04:07:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20754077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovingGwendolaj/pseuds/LovingGwendolaj
Summary: (Warning - this work is RPF - read at your own risk)Nikolaj is given one night to explore his feelings for Gwen - it happens to be the night of the Emmy awards. Will an evening  of drinking and flirting at the HBO after party lead to a night of something more?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Once again I decided to break this into two parts. I like to find creative ways to make the Gwendolaj smut possible without Nik cheating. I know this particular option is far fetched but it’s all just fiction so I hope you’ll go with it and still enjoy. 
> 
> This chapter was more of a set up chapter so the next one will explore even more of those moments we all gushed over last night along with some sexy stuff we can only imagine 😂

“Nikolaj, we need to talk.” The words were spoken in Danish, not English, but no matter the language - when a man hears his wife utter those words he knows it can’t be good. 

“Right now? Here? Can it wait until we’re home?” he asked. Nukaka shook her head and he could tell from the look on her face that he was in trouble. The only thing was - he had no idea what he’d done. “Okay, uh, um,” he looked around trying to find somewhere that was slightly private amongst the crowd but there were people everywhere. The Emmys had just finished up not too long ago and Nik was backstage with his castmates in the pressroom. Most of them were still in there, but he’d snuck off to finish eating his melting ice cream before it dripped on someone’s dress or suit. There were two suits though, he wouldn’t have much cared about dripping ice cream on. Or baby puke. Or bird shit. He reached for Nukaka’s hand. “Come with me.” He led her down a hall until he found one of those gender neutral or “family” restrooms. “People might talk about,” he joked as they went in together and he shut the door behind them. 

Usually when he made a joke she at least smiled, but no such luck. Nik suddenly felt butterflies in his stomach. “This is one time I would be glad if they did,” she replied with a sigh. 

“What’s going on?” he asked gently. 

She chewed at her lip for a moment and even the few seconds of silence were almost unbearable. He had tried to be attentive all night. He knew she didn’t really know anyone well other than him. He thought she seemed comfortable and understood that he had certain things he had to do - like going on stage and off to the pressroom when they won. Someone had brought her back to wait for him, along with Giles and the other plus ones with the cast members, and when he’d snuck out that’s when she told him they needed to talk. 

Nukaka closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them and finally she spoke. “I’m giving you one night,” she said. That’s all. Like he was supposed to know exactly what that meant. Why are women so damn cryptic? He wondered, feeling slightly annoyed because of his need to know what the hell was going on. 

“One night for what?” he asked, trying to keep his voice patient and calm, even though he was feeling neither of those things. 

“I’ve been paying close attention to you and her,” she said, looking sad and concerned. “I see the way you look at each other. I can feel the tension between you both. I know you Nik and I know you would never cheat on me -” 

“Wait, what?” he interrupted. “What are you even talking about?” His defences were coming up quick with talk of cheating, even though she just said she knew he would never do that and of course she was right. 

“Stop pretending you have no idea what I’m talking about,” Nukaka snapped. “You and Gwendoline.” And there it was. 

“Gwendoline?” he gasped. “She’s just a friend - you know that,” he insisted. 

“I know you tell yourself that and I know you have never crossed any lines with her - but I also know you would if you could,” she said. “So I’m giving you that chance - tonight.” 

“What the hell are you talking about?” Nik seethed with frustration. He was trying not to get angry with her because he knew in her mind there were genuine concerns, but a bathroom at the Emmys really wasn’t the place to be discussing affairs and their marriage and whatever other craziness was going on inside her head. 

“I’ve thought a lot about it,” Nukaka said calmly. “You need to just be with her and figure out if that’s what you want or if you still want the life we have together.” 

“Have you completely lost your mind?” he growled, rubbing his temples to calm the headache that was starting. 

“Nik, calm down,” she said softly. “I want you to listen to me and think about what I’m saying before you just get mad.” She took his hands. “You look at that woman like she’s the only one in the room.” The knot in his stomach tightened. “When they announced that you all won the award the very first thing you did was stand up and turn to her.” He didn’t miss the hurt in her voice and it made him feel like every bit the big pile of crap he should feel like.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I was just - I was happy and - nevermind there’s no excuse for my behavior - I’m just sorry.” The truth was, the show hadn’t been doing too well with their categories other than Peter and he was worried they might not win Best Drama as most expected they would. But there was also the fact that he really thought Gwen would win her category, especially with the applause she received on stage. As much as he tried to remain diplomatic with Lena, Sophie and Maisie all in the same category his heart wanted Gwen to win. He knew she didn’t expect it and was delighted just to be nominated after submitting herself, but he also knew what it was like to lose and as hard as you fight it you can’t help but feel disappointed. Winning the award for the show was a chance to put some of that disappointment behind them and revel in the fact that their hardwork as a full cast and crew was at least rewarded. As soon as he heard they won he immediately turned to Gwen without a second thought. 

“I know you’re sorry. You’re such a good man.” She sighed and squeezed his hands. “Do you remember 22 years ago when you did this very same thing for me?” Nukaka asked softly. Nik remembered. It was something he would never forget. There was a man in Nukaka’s life when the two of them were engaged and planning their wedding. Nik had told her that she needs to sort out her feelings for the other man before they get married. He gave her a week of freedom to do whatever she needed to do to figure it out. He’d always believed in the saying about how if you love something set it free. If it doesn’t come back it was never yours to begin with. He nodded in response to her question. “All these years and you have never once asked what happened back then and you have never held it against me,” she said. “You just took me back and you loved me even more. That’s why I need to return the favor.” 

“It’s not the same thing,” Nik interjected. “We weren’t even married back then.” What she was offering him hadn’t really sunk in at all at that point. “You don’t need to return anything. This is all silly. Come on, we should get back out there. People will be heading to the after party soon.” 

Nukaka stopped him. “Please,” she pleaded. The desperation in her voice caught him completely off guard and really threw him for a loop. “It’s probably going to be a while before you see each other again. I can’t take the wondering and questioning how you really feel.” 

He reached out and touched her face tenderly. “Why are you doing this? You’re my wife. I love you - you know that.” 

She looked at him sadly. “You always say and do the right things. Always. But I don’t know if I really believe you anymore. I don’t know if you really feel what you’re saying or if it’s just you being a dutiful husband and amazing father.” He was at a loss for words. Nik had no idea how he was supposed to respond to that. The worst part was - he couldn’t argue with her logic and it made him feel like a disgusting asshole. “Take this one night that I’m giving you and use it to figure out what you want. What you want, Nik,” she repeated with emphasis. “If you weren’t married and you could be with her, would you?” He didn’t know if he was supposed to answer that so he didn’t say a word, figuring it was safer. “I hope after tonight and maybe a week or so to think about it that you’ll know how to answer that,” she finished. 

“Where is this coming from?” he asked. “Is this because of those jerks on Instagram?” Some really disgusting human being had posted photos of him with Lena and said some awful things about Nukaka recently. 

She shook her head. “You know that kind of crap doesn’t bother me. Besides, those were about Lena, not Gwen.” 

“Then why?” He truly didn’t understand. 

“Do you really have no idea how you look at her?” Nukaka said. He shrugged his shoulders. “If I didn’t know any better - if I just stumbled across a photo of you staring at Gwen - I - “ her voice broke and Nik was sure she was about to cry. “I would be absolutely certain that you’re in love with her. You look like a man staring at the love of your life.” 

“But you’re the love of my life,” he hissed, grabbing her shoulders. “You are.” 

“If you still feel that way after tonight then I promise you I will never question you again,” she said firmly. “But you have to explore those feelings you have for her or they will eat you up and leave you wondering ‘what if’ for the rest of your life.” 

“I just don’t understand,” he said, feeling defeated. 

Nukaka touched his chin and lifted his gaze. “I’m going to go to the after party for a few minutes to make an appearance and then I’m going home, to our house,” she said. “You have a beautiful hotel room booked for you and a night of freedom. Make the best of it.” 

“What makes you even think that Gwen would be on board with any of this?” he asked. As much as he didn’t want to allow it to happen there was a little tingle of excitement building inside him that he couldn’t push away. “And what about Giles?” 

“I overheard him tell Gwen that he had something he needed to get finished for a show he has coming up so he was going to a studio or something and would see her tomorrow afternoon,” she explained. “Gwen will be alone at the after party - just like you.” 

“That still doesn’t mean she’s going to want to explore feelings or cheat on her boyfriend,” Nik scoffed. Knowing Gwen she would laugh at him and shoot the whole idea down in a ball of flames. 

Nukaka rolled her eyes. “Nik come on, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that they don’t have that kind of relationship.” The two of them had actually had that conversation in the past and they knew that Gwen and Giles had a no strings attached kind of relationship and it worked really well for them. Gwen’s attachment to Giles had never stood between anything happening between her and Nik. “And I don’t think you have to worry about her not wanting to explore things with you. Her and every other woman on the planet,” she added under her breath. “But seriously - I’ve watched her a lot lately. She tries really hard to keep her distance from you. She tries too hard. When you stood up and turned to her she immediately turned towards Alfie to avoid hugging you. I guarantee you it wasn’t because she didn’t want to hug you. It was because she wanted it more than she knew she should.” 

Could that actually be true? He wondered. Even if it was - did it matter? “I don’t know about that,” he muttered. As soon as the words came out of his mouth he realized that Nukaka was right about him always saying and doing the right thing. He was resisting this gift she was giving him, not because he didn’t want to have a night with Gwen, but because he thought that’s how a married man should respond. The tingle of excitement was starting to grow into something he would lose control of if he didn’t put a cap on it soon. 

“It’s one night Nik - a few hours,” she said, trying to smile. 

“Aren’t you going to go home and spend the entire time wondering what I’m doing?” he asked. “How can I let you torture yourself that way?” 

“One night, just a few hours, is much better than days, weeks - years even,” she replied. “I love you and I know you love me, but I also know you will grow to resent me someday if you have these unresolved feelings. You’ll wonder ‘what if’ and it will build a wall between us.” She gave him a peck on the cheek. “You don’t have to tell me anything that happens or doesn’t happen after I leave. But you need to make a decision about our future and about whether Gwen is truly just a friend. Once you know for sure we’ll figure things out from there.” 

Once they left the sanctuary of the little restroom Nik couldn’t shut off his brain. He had heard of this thing called a ‘hall pass’ in marriages, but had never considered the possibility or implications. What he had done for Nukaka all those years ago was completely selfish. He didn’t want to devote his life to a woman who might have feelings for another man. He wanted to know before he wasted the money on a wedding or embarrassed himself. It took him admitting that to himself to realize that this really was the same thing. Married or not - Nukaka didn’t want to be with him if he had feelings for another woman. She had the rest of her life to think about and it was only fair that she feel 100 percent sure that her husband only wanted her and no one else. 

The problem was - if he let his guard down and allowed himself to be completely honest - he knew he was very, very attracted to Gwen even though he’d thought he was doing a good job of hiding it - apparently not. So what if they just fucked? What if they had a great night of sex and got that lust and attraction out of their system? Could they move on and still be friends? Could he go back to Nukaka and tell her without a doubt that she was the only one he wanted? The level of skepticism he was feeling about the whole thing was scary. They were playing with fire - he was sure of it. Yet the treat being dangled before him was just too tempting to resist. A night to be with Gwen with no residual guilt, it was too good to be true - which likely meant he was going to end up fucking himself in the end, so to speak. 

They headed to the HBO after party, stopping for photos in the arrivals area. Once they got inside he immediately started to scan the room, looking for Gwen. He could feel Nukaka’s eyes on him and the guilt hit him hard. “Do you want a drink?” he asked. 

“No, I’m going to head out now,” she said. “If anyone asks just say I had a headache.” 

“Already?” he asked. Nik had a pretty good feeling that she wanted to get out of there before Gwen arrived. She nodded so Nik had a limo brought around and they said goodnight. He promised to call her in the morning and then with a wave she was off. 

He went back inside and straight to the bar for a stiff drink. There were familiar faces everywhere - all except the one face he most wanted to see. Where the hell was she? It would be just his luck that something happened and Gwen wouldn’t turn up. It disgusted him a bit that his wife was barely halfway down the block and he was already completely focussed on Gwendoline. This is what she wanted you to do, he told himself. Nik still wasn’t sure he believed it, but he had to or he was going to waste the night feeling guilty. 

Nik grabbed his phone and texted Gwen asking where she was. She replied right way saying that she had went to change and then say goodbye to Giles but was headed to the arrivals area and would see him soon. He was instantly disappointed that she had changed out of her dress. He remembered the way it felt so silky on his hand when he touched her back on their way up to the stage. When he somehow found an excuse for them to hug later he was hoping to feel the material again and her body underneath it. She couldn’t be wearing much under it, he was damn sure of that. 

You’re a pervert, Nik told himself, but it didn’t stop the smile from spreading across his face or the little ache of desire that hit him in the groin area. He’d fantasized about Gwen a few times in the past, thought he tended not to go down that road - perhaps, he realized now, because it all became a little too real. 

The second Gwen entered the room he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She had changed into a pink suit with a white sash, or scarf thing. It was more casual, yet still flashy, interesting and high fashion - so perfectly Gwen. Not as easy to get her out of, he caught himself thinking. 

When she spotted him Nik waved and she started to walk towards him. If no one stopped her on the way it would literally be the first time the two of them had been alone together all night. Of course they were still in a room full of people and wouldn’t be alone for long, but he knew he would cherish the few seconds or minutes they would get. He could only hope that they would get the chance to be truly alone later on that night. 

“We don’t match anymore,” he commented, as soon as she was close enough. 

Gwen laughed, “Wedding is over - on to the honeymoon phase.” 

Well, if this is going to go the way I want it to, might as well test the waters, he thought. He looked her up and down and then bit his lip and smiled at her, “You’re wearing way too many clothes for the honeymoon.” He moved closer and fingered the satin sash. “Just this may have been more appropriate.” 

Their eyes met and hers were twinkling. They didn’t flirt a lot, but it happened from time to time so it wasn’t completely out of character for them. “Jaime Lannister couldn’t handle all of this,” she said, swirling her hands in a very diva like gesture. 

“No, he couldn’t,” Nik agreed. “But I can.” The look of surprise on her face turned him on. She truly had no idea what she was in for - he could only hope she would be game to see if he really could handle her. 

When she recovered from the surprise Gwen ran her tongue seductively over her bright pink lips. “Oh we’ll see about that,” she replied, taking the drink from his hand and downing it in one long gulp. As Nik watched her swallow he was truly in awe of this magical creature standing in front of him. Without her heels she wasn’t towering over him, but he still had to look up to meet her eyes. It wasn’t the first time they had gazed at each other that night, but this time it sparked something in him. It felt like his heart was suddenly too big for his chest. “Come on,” Gwen said with a laugh. “Let’s go find the others and rile up Conleth by complimenting David and Dan’s writing.” 

Nik chuckled. “This is why I love you,” he said. As he followed her through the crowd his words echoed in his head. It only took a moment for Nik to realize something that almost dropped him to his knees. His life was about to get very, very complicated - because he was madly in love with Gwendoline.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy awesomeness 😍 I’m so touched and humbled by the number of comments and kudos and simply the number of people who took the time to read the first chapter. 
> 
> I’m also so incredibly thankful that there are so many of your who love Gwendolaj as much as I do, whether it’s full on shipping them, or just a guilty pleasure. 
> 
> I know a few of you wanted more chapters than the two I had planned, so I decided to make this a three part story. It certainly has potential to be so much more but I warn you know it will have an ambiguous ending. That means there’s always the chance of a sequel though and it’s something I would consider once the bond fic and turn back time are both followed through to completion. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy this chapter and look forward to the conclusion soon.

Nikolaj somehow managed to work his way in so he was seated right beside Gwen at the table the cast was occupying. It took some time, but as people left for the bar or bathroom and their seats were gobbled up he kept working his way closer to her. Finally they were squished together with Iain on her left and Peter on his right. 

“Miss me?” he asked, forcing Gwen to acknowledge he was there. She tended to get very involved in the conversation and it seemed like she was oblivious to her surroundings sometimes, but Nik knew her very well and he knew she was extremely aware of everything going on around her. The second he plopped down beside her, she would have known without even looking that it was him. 

“Not one little bit,” she replied, giving him a look that said the complete opposite. As much as she pretended to be annoyed by his presence Nik knew the truth. They always found each other in a crowd and he was quite certain that it wasn’t all on him. Okay, maybe in that particular instance it was, but usually it was a joint effort. 

When Nik realized earlier that he was in love with Gwen he’d been watching her even closer than normal. It was also very conscious this time around. In the past he would catch himself studying her and avert his attention, but tonight he was well aware of what he was doing and he was truly enjoying taking it all in. She was magnetic and shiny and so full of happiness. It was obvious that people enjoyed being around her. They loved her big, bubbly voice and her adorable, loud, crazy laugh. When they first got to the table Alfie made room for her immediately and Nik had to fight off the urge to strangle the little man. He loved Alfie and Nik knew that Alfie and Gwen were close, but he’d already interrupted their chance at a hug during the ceremony and now he was stealing her away again. 

Nik was quite pleased when Alfie got up for drinks and Iain immediately took his place. Serves you right, he thought smugly. He knew he was being a total dick, but he couldn’t help it. This was his one night to spend with Gwen and time was ticking. He felt a sense of urgency to make the most of the time they had. It’s like Cinderella, he thought, smiling to himself. But when the clock strikes Midnight and it’s all over - will Cinderella and the Prince end up together? 

In the time it had taken to get beside her Nik had already had a couple more drinks. He was feeling quite liberated, which could get him in trouble, but he was willing to risk it to make sure Gwen was aware of his intentions. He reached for her hand under the table and when he found it he linked their fingers. For a very brief moment she let him hold it, then she quickly shook him off and gave him a look. Nik just smiled at her innocently, like he’d done nothing wrong. He’d always been more touchy feely with her than she was with him. Yet she practically draped herself all over other guys - and girls. He tried desperately not to pout when he saw her playing with Iain’s hair and smiling at him. It was truly innocent of course, but Nik wished she would be that way with him. He didn’t understand it, but he’d never worried too much about it until that night. 

He was driving himself crazy with jealousy watching her interact with others, but he truly cherished any scrap of attention she gave him. “You were being a total clown in the pressroom,” she said, leaning close so they could hear each other over the noise. 

“I was, wasn’t I?” he replied, giving her a shrug. “I’m surprised you noticed,” he added haughtily.

“I saw it all,” Gwen replied, licking her lips. “The ice cream eating, you flashing those rabbit ears and then sneaking out.” 

“Did you disapprove?” he asked, still smiling at her. “I thought you loved my bad boy side.” 

“You’re such an ass,” she replied with a laugh. “Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to smack you upside the head or high five you.” 

“Or kiss me?” he asked. It was so random but the words just came out of his mouth and he couldn’t take them back. So he had to go with it. 

Gwen gave him a curious look. “Are you drunk?” she asked, looking befuddled by his overt flirting. 

“Well, there was that flask and I had some tequila with Guillermo, a few drinks once I got here - but no, definitely not drunk,” he replied. Nik bit his lip and moved his gaze to her mouth. Wouldn’t that start some serious gossip if he planted one on her right then and there? “What are you wearing under that?” he asked, leaning in close to her ear to whisper it. 

Gwen drew back and her eyes widened. “What has got into you?” she hissed. It was actually pretty amusing to see her shocked and surprised. Gwen normally had a response for everything. She was usually very quick witted. 

Nik met her eye and then put a hand on her leg. “Would you relax,” he said, rubbing the inside of her thigh lightly with his thumb. “Just go with it,” he added, pleading with his eyes. He honestly wasn’t sure if he was going to get shot down completely, but he had to take the chance, so once again he leaned in and whispered, “What are you wearing under that?” 

He noticed she hesitated for a split second, then she played along. “Wouldn’t you love to know?” she teased. It was that moment that the entire evening changed. When he flirted, she flirted right back, and when she talked to others, touching them or hugging them, she would glance in his direction with an amused look and Nik knew she was doing it on purpose to drive him crazy. 

She didn’t stop any more of his advances, as long as he kept them out of sight. There was even a moment where his hand was extremely high on her thigh and Nik was sure she spread her legs to invite him to touch her even higher. Unfortunately someone said something really funny and the whole table roared with laughter, clapping and cheering, bumping into one another - and it ended that. 

When Gwen excused herself to go to the loo Nik had way too much time to think. Emilia took Gwen’s seat, but thankfully she was paying full attention to Iain and Nik didn’t have to make any idle conversation. Things with Gwen were going well, but what did it mean? Did she actually have any interest in taking things further? And even if she did - she knew he was married and Nik was certain she wouldn’t mess with that. So how did he get around that? Did he just keep making advances and hope for the best? Or did he tell her the truth about his hall pass and see how she took it? 

What about the fact that he was sure he was in love with her? He didn’t need to have sex with her to figure that out - he already knew. So what was the point of fucking her, other than him really, really wanting it? And what did it all mean for his future? What if Gwen had no interest in being with him? Should he just go back to Nukaka and tell her that him and Gwen are just friends and move on with his life? Could he even do that at this point? But to counter that - could he throw away his entire life for a chance with Gwen, if she was even interested? 

It was all so confusing that it left his head pounding. The one thing he really needed to know was if there was even a chance. He just had no idea how to find that out without full disclosure. Telling Gwen everything would require him being completely vulnerable and he truly didn’t know what she would do with that. He would basically be putting his heart and his future in her hands and she would have the power to crush him. Not that he believed she would ever want to hurt him, but it was really putting a lot on her and he wasn’t sure if it was fair. If they had more time it would be different, but there was so much pressure and urgency - yet he was the only one who knew that. 

With the alcohol making things a bit fuzzier and making him a lot bolder he turned to Peter and got his attention. “Hey, how do you think Gwen feels about me?” he whispered. 

Peter instantly looked surprised and then a bit confused and a bit concerned. “Why? What - I don’t know what you’re asking -” Peter’s voice trailed off. 

Nik knew the only way he was going to get the right advice and the question answered truthfully was to give Peter all the details. He looked around to make sure no one was listening to them and then leaned in to explain. He told him what Nukaka had said and the whole hallpass thing. Then he quickly explained his concerns about Gwen not being interested and his confusion about how to proceed. He trusted Peter completely and he knew what he told them would stay between the two of them. 

“Wow,” Peter muttered. “That’s a lot.” He rubbed his face in thought. “I’m not sure what to tell you,” he said honestly. Nik was immediately disappointed, but thankfully Peter continued and did give him some valuable information and advice. “I can tell you with certainty that she has feelings for you. It’s so clear to anyone who takes a minute to pay attention. She’s different with you, more careful, like she’s protecting herself or something. Why would she do that if there’s nothing to protect herself from?” Nik felt his body tingle with goosebumps. It was one thing to hear it from his wife who had a much different stake in things, than to hear it from a more casual observer. “The thing I don’t know is whether she would ever act on it because of your marital status,” Peter whispered. “I mean, sure, it happens and given the right time and right place she could give in, but I don’t know if this deal Nukaka gave you would be enough to release Gwen of any guilt she might feel after.” Peter shrugged, “Or maybe she’s been waiting for you to make the first move and once you do she will fuck you senseless.” They both laughed for a minute. “If you want my honest advice,” Peter added, his voice serious again. “I would say to just go with it and see where it takes you. Don’t get too lost in your head or you’re going to miss out. When the time comes if you feel like you need to be honest with her before anything happens then do it. If one thing leads to another and you end up with those long sexy legs wrapped around your neck - dive in.” 

Nik caught sight of Gwen making her way back and he wanted to head her off before she got caught up with the others again. He quickly thanked Peter and went to stand up. But before he did Peter caught his arm and pulled him back down to whisper something else. “Hey, one last thing. No matter what you decide - there are two women who deserve to know that you’re in love with Gwen - her, and the one you’re supposed to love.” Nik hadn’t told Peter that he was in love with Gwen, so that hit him hard. He nodded and clapped Peter on the shoulder before he slipped away. 

When he got to Gwen he took her hand. “Come on, you have to try one of these ice cream bars before the night is over. The chocolate is ridiculous.” He knew Gwen loved both chocolate and ice cream so he hoped it would be enough to get her to walk with him. The party was in the early stages of winding down and the crowd was thinning a bit. Some were heading home or to their hotels, while others would make appearances at another afterparty. The HBO party would continue into the wee hours of the morning though, so the bar and food stations and the DJ still had hours to go. 

They held hands the entire way as they weaved through the crowd to a less crowded area. Nik got them both an ice cream bar and they wandered to a more quiet area to eat them. She raved over the delicious dessert just like he knew she would. There was a little bit of chocolate on the corner of her mouth and Nik reached out to wipe it away with his thumb. She licked where his thumb had just been and he shivered with desire. He wanted to kiss her so badly. Not just kiss her, he wanted to strip off her clothes and worship her body. He wanted to lick her and suck her until she came on his face and then fuck her for the rest of the night. The thoughts he was having were not thoughts a man should be having in public. He needed to get her out of there. He desperately needed to get her alone. 

Nik moved closer and inhaled her scent. Her hair smelled amazing and he wanted to bury his face in it. She was intoxicating in every way. “Come to my room tonight,” he said softly, closing his eyes to enjoy his other senses. 

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” she whispered back. Her voice sounded truly sad, which he took as a good sign. 

“Please? Just come for a drink. We might not see each other for a while, I just want you to myself for a bit,” Nik said. He knew his voice sounded really husky and suggestive, but he couldn’t help it with how aroused he was feeling. 

“Just a drink,” she said. He didn’t know if it was a question or if she was accepting until she turned her head slightly and he knew it was a question of sorts. 

“Just a drink - if that’s all you want.” Nik couldn’t help adding the second part. Whether it happened or not he didn’t want to pull any punches about it being on the table. Gwen knew that Nik had the room all to himself and that Nukaka had gone back to their home. She knew exactly what he was offering. 

“Text me your room number when you check in,” she replied. “I might swing by.” The little smile on her lips told him that it was a lot more of a certainty than “might.” 

An hour later he was alone in his hotel room and had texted Gwen his number. It took time to say goodbye to everyone, get to the hotel, and get checked in. There was a small bag waiting for him that his team had prepared with personal items and clothes for the next day. There was also a sweet basket of swag on the table, along with a bottle of champagne chilling and some assorted snacks. 

Gwen replied back that she might see him in a few minutes. He was amused that she was still pretending there was a chance she wasn’t coming. While he waited Nik shrugged out of his jacket, took off his shoes and socks, removed his cumberbund and bow tie, undid a few buttons, and then untucked his shirt. 

When the light rap on his door finally came he tried not to run to answer it, but couldn’t help himself. When he pulled the door open she was standing there, somehow looking even more beautiful than he remembered. Nik stepped aside and let her come in, then shut the door. 

Gwen turned to face him and they stared at each other. He couldn’t take his eyes off her gorgeous blue eyes and he couldn’t stop his heart from pounding in his chest. “What are we doing Nik?” she asked. There was an air of confidence in her voice, even asking a question like that. It told him that even though she was confused and maybe a bit uncertain, she knew what she wanted and she knew it was going to happen. 

Nik didn’t speak. He slowly moved closer to her and placed his right hand on her hip. With his left hand he reached up and touched a piece of her blonde hair. He loved how long it had gotten and he couldn’t wait to run his hands through it while he was inside her. As he let go and started to move his hand away he noticed she was looking at it. Nik gazed down at his finger and realized she was staring at his wedding band. With a deep breath he let go of her hip and pulled it off, then tucked it into his pants pocket. It left a little indent that would eventually fade, but to avoid her looking at that reminder he reached up again and buried both hands completely into her hair. 

He looked into her eyes once again and Nik felt dizzy, almost giddy. He wanted her more than he had wanted anything in a long time. She wasn’t pulling away, but she wasn’t making any movement to initiate things. Was Peter right? Was Gwen waiting for him to be the one to start things? There was only one way to find out. He let his gaze drop to her lips, pink and full - then slowly he inched closer until their mouths were less than an inch apart. He paused there. He gave her a chance to stop him or pull away. When she did neither of those things Nik closed the final gap and touched his lips to hers. It was the start of something magical and the beginning of a night he would never forget.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a really strange feeling when I finished this chapter and read it over. It was cathartic and it felt very satisfying. It was more than the usual satisfaction of finishing a project. I can’t really explain it well, but I hope at least one other person understands what I’m feeling when you read this and that it warms your heart. 
> 
> I can’t thank you all enough for reading. I totally understand that lots of people have issues with RPF and might not feel comfortable leaving a comment - so the fact that so many of you have left me such kind words is truly inspiring. 
> 
> Now to get back to Shaken, Not Stirred 😉 Love And gratitude to all 😘

Nik could have kissed this magical creature all night long. The sheer arousal and eroticness of kissing her was sensational, but there was also a sweetness and tenderness mixed in that was an intriguing contrast. It reminded him that whatever was happening between them was more than just physical. It wasn’t just lust - he was sure of it. He enjoyed the feeling of their tongues twisting and explored her mouth a little longer before he finally pulled back and looked at her. “Did you still want that drink?” he asked, running his tongue over his lips, searching for any hint of her left there. He could see her own lips were slightly swollen from the eagerness of their kissing and the stubble on his face. 

Gwen took a step back, not taking her eyes from his for a second. “Did you still want to know what’s under this?” she asked, undoing the button of her blazer. It fell open but the silky white sash was still covering her, until she shrugged it off and the whole thing fell to the floor revealing her creamy white skin. Her pink nipples puckered as the cold air hit her body and Nik wanted to take one in his mouth and suck it, but he held off, afraid to interrupt her. 

He was thankful he’d held back when she undid the button on her pants and slipped them off, kicking them aside along with her shoes. Gwen stood before him in nothing but a skimpy white lace thong. His body was responding with an intensity unlike anything he’d experienced in a long time. Nik had to reach down and adjust himself as his dick started to expand. He saw the satisfied smirk on her face when he did it and smiled back at her. “Fuck you’re so sexy,” he groaned. He’d seen this much of her naked body before while they were filming, he’d seen most of her over the years, but it was never when he was actually in a position to touch her like he was right then. 

Gwen looked him up and down and waved her hand as if to say ‘your turn.’ Nik took the hint and quickly stripped himself down to his underwear, just like her. He touched his package and shifted his erection to a more comfortable position. He was almost fully hard by that point and the tip of his cock wanted to come out the top of his underwear. Gwen’s eyes wandered to the bulge and then back up and she jerked her head slightly. Nik shrugged and took off his underwear too, revealing himself completely. 

He could see her chest moving up and down as she tried to maintain control of just how aroused she was. The air was thick and heavy with desire, and everything felt hot and sticky. The sexual tension was at an all time high and they were both fully aware of it. 

Gwen hooked her thumbs through the waistband of her thong and went to take it off, but Nik quickly stopped her. He wanted a better view of it and how sexy her ass looked before she got rid of it. He spun her around for a good look and groaned again. Gwen’s ass was perfection, so round and full. He took a cheek in each hand and squeezed, while he rubbed his dick up and down her ass crack. His cock was throbbing, aching to fuck her. He could have pulled down her thong, bent her over and fucked her hard and fast, but something made him stop before it was too late. 

He wanted to savor the moment. It could be the one and only time they would be together and Nik wanted to make the most of it. Holding her from behind, his hands on her breast now, he walked her over to the bed. Nik stopped and the edge and let go of her boob with his right hand, then slipped it slowly down her belly and right inside the front of the thong until his fingers were touching her pussy. Gwen gasped as he ran a finger over her slit and then pushed it inside. She was slick, not just a bit wet - she was soaking. Her pussy was dripping with desire and Nik knew she was every bit as aroused as he was. 

He quickly pulled his hand out and let go of her other breast, then grabbed the thong and pulled it down. When Gwen stepped out he slowly turned her around, ignored the intense urges he was having and kissed her again. Nik knew he couldn’t just blurt out “I love you” right then and there. It was too much, especially if she honestly had no inkling of what he was feeling for her. He wondered for a brief moment if he should stop everything they were doing and just be completely honest with her about everything. He decided against it though because he simply didn’t want to complicate what was turning into an incredible end to the night. 

He couldn’t say he loved her in words, but he hoped the soft, slow kisses let her know that she was special to him. He hoped the way his hands were lightly trailing over her smooth skin would tell her that he cherished her. He prayed that the fact he wasn’t just shoving her onto the bed and fucking her like a wild animal would help her understand that this was about much more than just sex. 

They kissed for a while and it was very sensual and comfortable. They were both content for the time being to just hold each other and make out passionately. Eventually though, Gwen made it clear she wanted more. Her hand slipped between their bodies and she started to stroke his cock. Nik released her with a moan and his heart began to pound wildly when she sat on the edge of the bed and started to lean forward. 

The next thing he knew his dick was in her mouth and she was giving him the best blow job of his entire life. One of her soft, gentle hands was on his balls and the other was groping his ass, while she moved up and down his shaft with her warm, wet mouth. Nik closed his eyes and enjoyed the feel of something a man who had been married for over 20 years didn’t get to experience as often anymore. When he felt like he was getting close to the edge he pulled away from her. He looked down at his dick, slick with her saliva and he had to decide what he wanted next. Once again, the greatest urge was to fuck her, but there was something else he wanted to do while he had the chance. 

Nik urged her back on the bed and spread her legs. Her pussy was right there, ready for him, but instead of slipping his dick into her he bent his head and went down on her. It didn’t take him long to make her squirm and start to beg for more. It made it even better for him to know she was enjoying it so much. The taste of her on his tongue was so incredible. Her sweet pussy juices filled his mouth with her flavor and Nik couldn’t get enough. He felt like an addict as he licked and sucked and delved his tongue as far inside of her as he could. The extra gush of arousal as she came, the way her thighs tightened against his head, the feel of her hands tangled in his hair - it was everything. She was fucking everything. 

All the holding back he’d done was over. He needed to fuck her - he had to. While she was still riding the wave of her orgasm Nik grabbed her legs, put her calves over his shoulders and pushed into her wet pussy. It was heaven. That was the only way he could think to describe just how good it felt to go balls deep into her. With the blow job and the added arousal of going down on her Nik was already edging after only a few frenzied strokes. 

It would have been embarrassing to come in five seconds like a horny teenager, so somehow Nik found a way to hold on. He fucked her hard and fast until he was almost ready to blow and then slowed down enough to keep it in a bit longer. He loved the sound of her moans and how they changed when he sped up and slowed down. He could make her scream, he knew he could if only he could fuck her until she orgasmed. Maybe next time, he thought, ignoring the voice in his mind that reminded him this might be the only time. 

All his thoughts disappeared when he hit the edge one last time and finally exploded with a grunt. He was normally quiet when he came, but this wasn’t just any orgasm - it was intense and literally explosive. He knew if he’d pulled out the cum would have shot out of his dick like a cannon. Instead he emptied inside her, without giving any thought to the fact they hadn’t used protection. Surely if it had been an issue she would have said something. 

Nik released Gwen’s legs, and she drew him down against her chest while they were still united. He rested his cheek against her breast and Gwen stroked his hair. Her fingers were gentle and loving and he closed his eyes. Nik could have easily fallen asleep right there in her arms, but instead his mind started to race with ideas of exactly what this little tender moment meant. If he didn’t know better it was her way of doing what he’d done earlier - letting him know it was much more than just sex for her too. Or was it a thank you because she’d enjoyed their fuck? Or was he reading way too much into things? 

Eventually he could feel his cock starting to slip out of her as it grew soft. With a sigh he rolled to the side, feeling very sad that their union was over. “I have to go,” she said softly. “I don’t want to,” she added, even softer. The tone of her voice was so vulnerable, like nothing he’d ever heard from her before. It was a bit scary, but also very comforting so see this different side of her. “I’m going to use your shower first, quickly, okay?” 

Nik nodded. He understood that she couldn’t go to her room and climb into bed with another man with his scent all over her body, even if it wasn’t against the rules of their relationship for Gwen to be with other people. Nik watched her gather her clothes and walk naked to the bathroom. He pulled the sheets over himself - it suddenly felt cold with her gone. 

It was also too quiet, which allowed his mind to fill up with questions and hopes and fears and doubts. He knew the two of them needed to talk, but he also knew it wasn’t going to happen right then, which he was thankful for because he honestly didn’t have a clue what he wanted to say.

He heard the shower turn off and not long after that she appeared once again. It was really late by that point and they both should have been exhausted but Nik didn’t feel the least bit tired. 

Gwen walked over, stood by the edge of the bed, fully dressed once again, and she looked down at him. “I didn’t write an acceptance speech because I never thought I would actually win,” she started. “I figured if I did win I would just be a crying mess anyway, so I would wing it. But I did write something else on the chance it happened.” She pulled a letter out of her pocket and looked at it. Nik could see that his name was scrawled on the front. “I wasn’t sure if or how or when I was going to give it to you. I never wanted anyone else to see it - and - I need you to promise me that will still be the case.” 

She looked at him and waited for confirmation. “I promise.” 

“I think it will explain a lot,” Gwen added, turning it over and over in her hand as if she was nervous to pass it to him. “Remember, I wrote this before -” Her voice trailed off, but he knew what she meant. “And I didn’t think we would see each other for a while afterwards.” Hearing her say those words made his heart ache, but it also gave him hope. “Oh here, take it,” she said, shoving her hand in his direction. Nik gently took the envelope from her. “Don’t you dare get all cocky about this,” she warned. “And make sure you destroy it after you read it.” 

Nik smiled at her. “When will I see you again?” he couldn’t help but ask. 

“Just read the letter and let’s take this one step at a time,” she said, starting to walk towards the door. Nik could see it was difficult for her to walk away from him and he had a feeling he could get her to come back if he tried. He didn’t though, because he knew she wanted him to read the letter and he was extremely curious. “Have fun at your climate change thingy next week,” she added as she pulled open the door. “Night Nik.” 

“Night,” he whispered as he watched the door close. As soon as it clicked shut he tore open the letter and started to read. There were a couple times he had to stop reading and take a breath and by the end his eyes were filled with tears. Gwen had bared her soul to him in the letter in ways he never expected she was even capable of. She was so guarded and she always wanted to appear strong and in control, but she had given him a truly special gift by allowing him to see a side of her that few, if anyone, had seen. 

She thanked him for everything he had taught her over the years and basically said that she knew she wouldn’t have gotten the nomination if she hadn’t worked with him and learned from him for the past decade. She said it in a way that was clear she believed in herself, but she also thanked him for that as well - for helping her see just how talented she was and really hone her skills. 

All of that was touching, but it was the second half of the letter that had really shook him to the core. She admitted that she had been attracted to him right from the start and that she had convinced herself it was because she saw him as a mentor, as well as getting her emotions mixed with those of her characters as she often got so deep into her role that things felt confusing at times. Gwen also explained that she tried to put up walls when it came to being physical with him and she hoped she hadn’t offended him by doing that. It was a means of protecting herself from the feeling he brought out in her. It was the very last paragraph that twisted his heart and brought tears to his eyes: 

_I’m not telling you all this to cause you any pain or complicate your life in any way, but when it really hit me that the show is over and this is one of the last times we will all be together I just felt like I needed to get this off my chest. I know we are friends and we say we will keep in touch, but in my experience these kinds of working relationships fade away over the years as we move on to new things. I would have been remiss if I didn’t let you know the truth. You were never just a colleague to me - you will always be so much more. If our paths had crossed at a different time in our lives, maybe things would have been different. But I would never trade what we shared over the years as the memories are some of my most cherished. _

_Now wipe the smug look off your face and shred this letter. I will deny everything if you tell a soul about all the compliments I just gave you. _

_Love always,   
Gwendoline. _

“Love always, Gwendoline,” Nik said out loud as he ran his fingertips over her words. He couldn’t bring himself to destroy the letter. No one else would ever see it, but he couldn’t shred her beautiful words. This letter was life changing - for both of them. This was the answer he needed when he wondered if he ever had a chance of something more with Gwen. 

Nik flopped back in bed and smiled. He could smell her on the pillow, the sheets, in the air - her scent was everywhere and it made him long for her once again. The next few days were going to be extremely complicated. He had to tell his wife the truth. He needed to talk to Gwen about their future. There was the UNDP event in New York. He had to think about how all of this would affect his kids. It was going to be a bittersweet nightmare. It was going to be the best and worst thing he’d ever done. The guilt was already hitting him hard. 

Nik took a deep breath and he thought about that moment on stage when he’d caught Gwen’s eye and they shared a look. At the time he hadn’t known what he knew now - she had told him that she was in love with him right then and he’d missed it. Now he knew though and that look meant everything. He knew that he was not the only one that had feelings that were more than friendship and whenever things got tough all he had to do was picture her face in that moment to remember what he was fighting for. He was fighting for the love of his life and he would fight for her until the day he died.


End file.
